Saturday, July 16, 2022

eerie lavender

 

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My little introduction

disordered eating anorexia bulimia adhd high bmi

2 replies to this topic

#1 Eerie ☽ Lavender

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Posted 10 June 2022 - 04:56 AM

Hi there! I've been lurking on these forums for some time now and finally decided to make an account. I won't be sharing my real name, but I'm afab and non-binary. Been considering changing my real name for a while now, so let's say you can call me Eden. I have struggled my whole life with disordered eating and used to present more bulimic (purging was a very big part of my life). I got myself healthy for a while but hated my body, and now I'm very much in a restrictive cycle.

 

Age: 23
Height: 5ft3 / 160cm
Location: England, UK
Hobbies: Electric guitar, tarot (more spiritual than a hobby), watching TV shows (Stranger Things, Haunting of Hill House/Bly Manor, Game of Thrones, Prison Break, Charmed, Vampire Diaries, e.t.c.), playing games (Skyrim, Animal Crossing, Luigis Mansion, The Last of Us), and listening to music (big alt/metal fan). I also part of the alternative, neurodiverse and LGBT communities
Dietary restrictions: Vegan (genuinely for the animals/planet, not weight related)

CW: 78.45kg / 173lbs
HW: 91kg / 201lbs

GW: 60kg / 132lbs (haven't been this low since I was maybe 14)
UGW: 50kg / 110lbs (for now, need to see what it looks like on me but likely want lower)

 

Mental/developmental disorders: ADHD, ASD (in process of assessment), Depression, Anxiety, EDNOS/OSFED? (not diagnosed but have met criteria for the vast majority of my life)

Please feel free to come and say hi! Could do with some friends who get it


☽🌑☾

"𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓

𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑰"

 

ᴇ ᴅ ᴇ ɴ  |  ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ʏ / s ʜ ᴇ  |  ᴠ ᴇ ɢ ᴀ ɴ  |  ᴀ ᴅ ʜ ᴅ

CW: 77.2kg - 170.21bs
HW: 91kg - 201lbs
GW: 60kg - 132lbs
UGW: 50kg - 110lbs

 

90   85   80   75
70   65   60
55   50

 

#2 ssaibar

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    Posted 10 June 2022 - 05:02 AM

    welcome, Eden!

    {5'3"}

    cbmi ~ 24.6

    gbmi - 20

    ugbmi - 16.8

    my emo ass blog

    #3 Eerie ☽ Lavender

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    Posted 10 June 2022 - 05:07 AM

    ssaibar, on 10 Jun 2022 - 05:02 AM, said:

    welcome, Eden!

    Thank you!


    ☽🌑☾

    "𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓

    𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑰"

     

    ᴇ ᴅ ᴇ ɴ  |  ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ʏ / s ʜ ᴇ  |  ᴠ ᴇ ɢ ᴀ ɴ  |  ᴀ ᴅ ʜ ᴅ

    CW: 77.2kg - 170.21bs
    HW: 91kg - 201lbs
    GW: 60kg - 132lbs
    UGW: 50kg - 110lbs

     

    90   85   80   75
    70   65   60
    55   50

     


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    ‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ Eerie's Journal - (BMI 29.2 to 18.8) ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙

    accountability high bmi weight loss eating disorders restriction adhd non-binary disordered eating


    15 replies to this topic

    #1 Eerie ☽ Lavender

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    Posted 11 July 2022 - 08:59 AM

    about me
    they/she, vegan, 23, gemini
    adhd, depression, anxiety, suspected asd

     

    I've been loving other people's accountability threads and wanted to create one for myself so I could track my journey to 50kg. I'm pretty hard on myself anyway when it comes to accountability (unless I have plans with my partner, which makes it super difficult), but I like the idea of other people knowing when I fuck up so I can be harder on myself.

     

    For the longest time, I've tried to become more aligned with the person I want to be and the person I want others to perceive me as, and I've always fallen off of the wagon (semi-blaming the untreated ADHD for this one). I've had enough though. Since leaving university, I've realised that my life could very well amount to nothing if I don't start fixing the things that stand in my way (one of these being my weight). Cue ED behaviours returning with a vengeance. I'd like to point out that this isn't something I'm proud of nor is it something I'm actively trying to do, and I've suffered with disordered eating my entire life (with periods of trying to improve the relationship with my body inbetween). The weight has climbed up and up over the years as a result, and now I'm working to get rid of it all.

     

    stats
    163cm / 5ft 4"
    HW: 90kg
    LW: 63kg
    CW: 77.65kg
    GW: 60kg
    UGW: 50kg


    *UGW may change depending on what I look like when I get there


    ☽🌑☾

    "𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓

    𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑰"

     

    ᴇ ᴅ ᴇ ɴ  |  ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ʏ / s ʜ ᴇ  |  ᴠ ᴇ ɢ ᴀ ɴ  |  ᴀ ᴅ ʜ ᴅ

    CW: 77.2kg - 170.21bs
    HW: 91kg - 201lbs
    GW: 60kg - 132lbs
    UGW: 50kg - 110lbs

     

    90   85   80   75
    70   65   60
    55   50

     

    #2 skinnydevotee

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    Posted 11 July 2022 - 09:17 AM

    Hey there, just writing to say I'm in a similar boat, and I'll be following your journey. Once you drop to 65.7709 kg, you'll be officially OUT of the overweight range for your height. You'll get there, especially if you drink a lot of water. Good luck!


    #3 Eerie ☽ Lavender

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    Posted 11 July 2022 - 09:32 AM

    weight

    77.65kg / 171.2lbs
     

    intake

    spicy kimchi noodles (380)

    slush puppie fruit pop (5)
    air fryer veggie & vegan meat skewers (247)
    homemade vegan chorizo cheese panini (430)

    ---------------------------------------------------------------

    total consumed: 1062

    total burned: 2122
     

    deficit: -1060 calories

     

    journal

    My weight has been at a plateau now for around 2 weeks despite some pretty hefty calorie deficits, so I'm not massively pleased. I've done everything I'm supposed to and more to reach my short-term goal weights in the losertown challenge thread, but going to have to restart it. I'll write below my new losertown goals (they're pretty lenient but would like to give my body a better chance of success since it likes stalling around this 77-78kg mark).

    The UK heat right now is absolutely horrific and I feel so drained. I got barely any sleep last night due to my arachnophobia striking again. There were two spiders by my bed that were gotten rid of for me, but I couldn't sleep in that room after. Had to sleep on the sofa, and every single sensation on my body felt like a spider crawling on me. I'm sure my sensory issues just make that aspect of the phobia so much worse. Wish the waiting list I'm on would hurry up already. I was meant to go to the gym today but it's not happening on no sleep and in this heat. Still felt today was the best day to start this thread though as I'm well aware I won't always have perfect circumstances to work with. Going for at least a small 1000 calorie deficit today to take into account the shitty circumstances I've been dealt. Stay hydrated folks xoxo


    ☽🌑☾

    "𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓

    𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑰"

     

    ᴇ ᴅ ᴇ ɴ  |  ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ʏ / s ʜ ᴇ  |  ᴠ ᴇ ɢ ᴀ ɴ  |  ᴀ ᴅ ʜ ᴅ

    CW: 77.2kg - 170.21bs
    HW: 91kg - 201lbs
    GW: 60kg - 132lbs
    UGW: 50kg - 110lbs

     

    90   85   80   75
    70   65   60
    55   50

     

    #4 Eerie ☽ Lavender

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    Posted 11 July 2022 - 09:34 AM

    skinnydevotee, on 11 Jul 2022 - 09:17 AM, said:

    Hey there, just writing to say I'm in a similar boat, and I'll be following your journey. Once you drop to 65.7709 kg, you'll be officially OUT of the overweight range for your height. You'll get there, especially if you drink a lot of water. Good luck!

    Thank you! I can't wait to be out of the overweight category. I was in the obese category for YEARS and I finally left it a few weeks back. My body loves clinging onto the 77-78kg zone for some reason, so I just need to push past that and I'll be well on my way to the healthy category. Drinking plenty of water to stay full. Best of luck to you too!


    ☽🌑☾

    "𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓

    𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑰"

     

    ᴇ ᴅ ᴇ ɴ  |  ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ʏ / s ʜ ᴇ  |  ᴠ ᴇ ɢ ᴀ ɴ  |  ᴀ ᴅ ʜ ᴅ

    CW: 77.2kg - 170.21bs
    HW: 91kg - 201lbs
    GW: 60kg - 132lbs
    UGW: 50kg - 110lbs

     

    90   85   80   75
    70   65   60
    55   50

     

    #5 Eerie ☽ Lavender

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    Posted 11 July 2022 - 09:58 AM

    The 10 Weeks LoserTown Challenge

    Eerie ☽ Lavender

     Started: July 11th, 2022 | SW: 77.65kg
     
    01. Jul 18 | PW: 76.88kg | AW: ??
    02. Jul 25 | PW: 76.00kg | AW: ??
    03. Aug 01 | PW: 75.12kg | AW: ??
    04. Aug 08 | PW: 74.26kg | AW: ??
    05. Aug 15 | PW: 73.40kg | AW: ??
    06. Aug 22 | PW: 72.56kg | AW: ??
    07. Aug 29 | PW: 71.73kg | AW: ??
    08. Sep 05 | PW: 70.91kg | AW: ??
    09. Sep 12 | PW: 70.09kg | AW: ??
    10. Sep 19 | PW: 69.29kg | AW: ??
     
    END GOAL: 69.29kg / 152.8lbs
    Estimated weight loss: 8.36kg / 18.4lbs

    ☽🌑☾

    "𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓

    𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑰"

     

    ᴇ ᴅ ᴇ ɴ  |  ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ʏ / s ʜ ᴇ  |  ᴠ ᴇ ɢ ᴀ ɴ  |  ᴀ ᴅ ʜ ᴅ

    CW: 77.2kg - 170.21bs
    HW: 91kg - 201lbs
    GW: 60kg - 132lbs
    UGW: 50kg - 110lbs

     

    90   85   80   75
    70   65   60
    55   50

     

    #6 skinnydevotee

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    Posted 11 July 2022 - 02:11 PM

    Eerie ☽ Lavender, on 11 Jul 2022 - 09:32 AM, said:

     

    11th July, 2022: Day 1

     

    Weight:

    77.65kg / 171.2lbs

    BMI 29.2

     

    Intake:
    spicy kimchi noodles (380)

    slush puppie fruit pop (5)
    air fryer veggie & vegan meat skewers (247)
    -not complete for the day yet-

    Total consumed:
    Total burned:
    Deficit:

     

    Comments:
    My weight has been at a plateau now for around 2 weeks despite some pretty hefty calorie deficits, so I'm not massively pleased. I've done everything I'm supposed to and more to reach my short-term goal weights in the losertown challenge thread, but going to have to restart it. I'll write below my new losertown goals (they're pretty lenient but would like to give my body a better chance of success since it likes stalling around this 77-78kg mark).

    The UK heat right now is absolutely horrific and I feel so drained. I got barely any sleep last night due to my arachnophobia striking again. There were two spiders by my bed that were gotten rid of for me, but I couldn't sleep in that room after. Had to sleep on the sofa, and every single sensation on my body felt like a spider crawling on me. I'm sure my sensory issues just make that aspect of the phobia so much worse. Wish the waiting list I'm on would hurry up already. I was meant to go to the gym today but it's not happening on no sleep and in this heat. Still felt today was the best day to start this thread though as I'm well aware I won't always have perfect circumstances to work with. Going for at least a small 1000 calorie deficit today to take into account the shitty circumstances I've been dealt. Stay hydrated folks xoxo

     

    Pro-tip: high-potassium foods give me a lot of bang for my calorie buck. You can eat quite a bit of those, and still lose, and it's all healthy stuff.


    #7 Eerie ☽ Lavender

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    Posted 11 July 2022 - 05:12 PM

    skinnydevotee, on 11 Jul 2022 - 2:11 PM, said:

    Pro-tip: high-potassium foods give me a lot of bang for my calorie buck. You can eat quite a bit of those, and still lose, and it's all healthy stuff.

    Appreciate the advice, thanks :) A lot of my meals being vegan are based around high-potassium foods without having to think about it (potatoes, sweet potatoes, lentils, beans, tomatoes, e.t.c.) but I'll defo keep it in mind


    ☽🌑☾

    "𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓

    𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑰"

     

    ᴇ ᴅ ᴇ ɴ  |  ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ʏ / s ʜ ᴇ  |  ᴠ ᴇ ɢ ᴀ ɴ  |  ᴀ ᴅ ʜ ᴅ

    CW: 77.2kg - 170.21bs
    HW: 91kg - 201lbs
    GW: 60kg - 132lbs
    UGW: 50kg - 110lbs

     

    90   85   80   75
    70   65   60
    55   50

     

    #8 make.me.tiny

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    Posted 11 July 2022 - 05:32 PM

    You got this!

    As someone who is also riddled with ADHD, I can appreciate how easy it is to completely throw yourself off of the bandwagon. I found trying to figure out how it impacted my eating (and in turn my weight...) really useful! e.g. I eat to stimulate myself - so having low cal, crunchy foods on hand when I'm struggling can be helpful!


    27, female

    Height: 170cm
    CW: 70.3/155lbs

    GW: 55kg/~120lbs

    Accountability

    #9 Eerie ☽ Lavender

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    Posted 12 July 2022 - 02:54 AM

    make.me.tiny, on 11 Jul 2022 - 5:32 PM, said:

    You got this!

    As someone who is also riddled with ADHD, I can appreciate how easy it is to completely throw yourself off of the bandwagon. I found trying to figure out how it impacted my eating (and in turn my weight...) really useful! e.g. I eat to stimulate myself - so having low cal, crunchy foods on hand when I'm struggling can be helpful!

    It's so nice to speak to somebody on here who gets it. Prior to knowing I had ADHD, I had no idea why I just couldn't stop eating sometimes! Knowing that it's an understimulation thing was a huge turning point for me too. I also let myself eat as much junk as my brain wants so long as it's in my calories for that day, because I know that if my body wants dopamine from a particular food and I don't give in, I'll just binge on it later. I eat so much pasta and honestly I can't imagine not doing it. Food is a huge emotion regulator for us (or at least for me). Obviously there's a balance and I eat a lot of fresh food too, but even that can be hard when your body is repulsed by certain textures certain days. I've given up on trying to eat salads. My sensory issues cannot take it. Same with fruit that's slightly mushy. This could just be my ASD traits talking so if it's just me, don't worry lmao.


    ☽🌑☾

    "𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓

    𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑰"

     

    ᴇ ᴅ ᴇ ɴ  |  ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ʏ / s ʜ ᴇ  |  ᴠ ᴇ ɢ ᴀ ɴ  |  ᴀ ᴅ ʜ ᴅ

    CW: 77.2kg - 170.21bs
    HW: 91kg - 201lbs
    GW: 60kg - 132lbs
    UGW: 50kg - 110lbs

     

    90   85   80   75
    70   65   60
    55   50

     

    #10 Eerie ☽ Lavender

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    Posted 12 July 2022 - 03:32 AM

    weight

    77.5kg / 170.9lbs
    -0.15kg / 0.3lbs

     

    intake

    1/2 tin spaghetti hoops (124)
    spicy ramen (435)
    vegan spaghetti bolognese (500)
    --------------------------------------------
    total consumed: 1059
    total burned: 2602

    deficit: -1543 calories

     

    journal

    Glad to see the number finally drop, oh my GOD. The wait has been absolutely agonising, but my body finally seems to be leaving the plateau? Looks like I started this accountability thread at just the right time. I really struggled to have a bm this morning but I'm undergoing medication titration for my ADHD, so wondering if the meds are anything to do with it. I'm assuming I've lost more than what the scale shows because there's defo still food weight in me. Am I actually going to leave the 77s this week?! Hoping and praying.

    Been a good day for food. I've been sticking to a more modest deficit of around 1000-1500 cals when the weather is this hot because I've been feeling really faint. Thanks UK heatwave. Can't wait to see the back end of you.

    TW: suicidal ideation
    The day itself however has been absolutely dreadful. I'm normally a relatively positive person, but fucking hell. I had a jobseekers appointment (one of my first ones), and when they asked me about my mental health issues and why it makes working difficult, I started trying to explain and ended up crying my eyes out. I'm so embarrassed. Two job coaches were sat there with tissues basically telling me to be proud of myself for achieving my degree and that I need to be kinder to myself. I didn't even say anything negative about myself. Is it written all over my face or something how insecure I am? I was so mortified. I got major sensory overload whilst I was trying to explain because all I could hear was everybody else's conversations with their job coaches. It was so loud. Both of the coaches were looking me dead in the eyes and I was just powerless to stop crying. I didn't think I was this bad again. I feel so hopeless about my life. I truly just feel like it would be so much easier if I weren't here. I left the job centre smiling and thanking them for dealing with me, and then had the most massive crying fit the second I was out the door. I kept having visions of not getting the bus that takes me home, and just walking to the top of the bridge that oversees the busy roads and just letting myself go. Or just stepping in front of a car. I know how insanely dramatic that sounds, but today was the first day I acknowledged how bad my mental health has gotten again and I just feel like I'm in such a limbo in my life. It's come crashing down on me all at once how much I'm struggling, and I'm so tired of struggling. Everything has always been a struggle because of my brain and the way it is. I've tried all of the therapy, this is the millionth medication I've been on and still no luck, I've done SO much always to keep myself ok. For once, I just want to live part of a life without having to try to be ok. I'm exhausted with trying and I just feel like it's right for me to stop. I know tomorrow I'll probably delete all of this because I'll be embarrassed that I shared any of this with a bunch of strangers on the internet, but I genuinely haven't felt this helpless in a long time. I always end up back here though. If this is all I'm meant for, then I really don't know what the point of it all is.


    ☽🌑☾

    "𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓

    𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑰"

     

    ᴇ ᴅ ᴇ ɴ  |  ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ʏ / s ʜ ᴇ  |  ᴠ ᴇ ɢ ᴀ ɴ  |  ᴀ ᴅ ʜ ᴅ

    CW: 77.2kg - 170.21bs
    HW: 91kg - 201lbs
    GW: 60kg - 132lbs
    UGW: 50kg - 110lbs

     

    90   85   80   75
    70   65   60
    55   50

     

    #11 skinnydevotee

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    Posted 12 July 2022 - 01:10 PM

    Good luck!


    #12 make.me.tiny

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    Posted 12 July 2022 - 03:26 PM

    Eerie ☽ Lavender, on 12 Jul 2022 - 02:54 AM, said:

    It's so nice to speak to somebody on here who gets it. Prior to knowing I had ADHD, I had no idea why I just couldn't stop eating sometimes! Knowing that it's an understimulation thing was a huge turning point for me too. I also let myself eat as much junk as my brain wants so long as it's in my calories for that day, because I know that if my body wants dopamine from a particular food and I don't give in, I'll just binge on it later. I eat so much pasta and honestly I can't imagine not doing it. Food is a huge emotion regulator for us (or at least for me). Obviously there's a balance and I eat a lot of fresh food too, but even that can be hard when your body is repulsed by certain textures certain days. I've given up on trying to eat salads. My sensory issues cannot take it. Same with fruit that's slightly mushy. This could just be my ASD traits talking so if it's just me, don't worry lmao.


    Yes!! Like sometimes if I want to have chocolate for lunch, it’s best I just have chocolate for lunch haha.

    27, female

    Height: 170cm
    CW: 70.3/155lbs

    GW: 55kg/~120lbs

    Accountability

    #13 Eerie ☽ Lavender

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    Posted 13 July 2022 - 05:29 AM

    weight

    77.2kg / 170.2lbs
    -0.3kg / 0.7lbs

     

    intake

    vegan pizza (1000)
    tomato and chilli pasta (405)
    --------------------------------------------
    total consumed: 1405
    total burned: 2400 (approx.)

    deficit: 995 calories (approx.)

     

    journal

    Much higher intake day as I stayed with a friend who I haven't seen in months. Not thrilled at all but it is what it is, I'm still in roughly a 1000kcal deficit which isn't ideal but it's a deficit. I forgot to put my fucking fitbit on after my shower before I left, so calories burned is an estimate based on the activity I did and my BMR.


    ☽🌑☾

    "𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓

    𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑰"

     

    ᴇ ᴅ ᴇ ɴ  |  ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ʏ / s ʜ ᴇ  |  ᴠ ᴇ ɢ ᴀ ɴ  |  ᴀ ᴅ ʜ ᴅ

    CW: 77.2kg - 170.21bs
    HW: 91kg - 201lbs
    GW: 60kg - 132lbs
    UGW: 50kg - 110lbs

     

    90   85   80   75
    70   65   60
    55   50

     

    #14 Eerie ☽ Lavender

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    Posted 14 July 2022 - 05:53 PM

    weight

    ----X----

     

    intake

    veggie roll sushi set (286)
    blue lagoon pitcher (360 estimate)
    spaghetti (382)
    yasai roll sushi set (547)
    --------------------------------------------
    total consumed: 1575
    total burned: 3200 (approx.)

    deficit: 1625 calories (approx.)

     

    journal

    Obviously, since I stayed out last night, I didn't have access to a scale in the morning. I also still didn't have my fitbit with me. This had me paranoid as FUCK because I had no idea how much I might be weighing or how much I was burning. So, I kind of (stupidly) restricted hard on a super active day of walking around in the heat all day, dehydrated as shit. My medication dose went up today too so it was such a stupid idea. I was fine until I was on my way home. I got super fucking dizzy, hands were shaking, my vision had black spots and I felt so nauseous. The feeling just got worse and worse to the point my stomach was spasming and I couldn't actually eat to make it go away because it hurt? It freaked me OUT. How on earth do some people fast for days on end? It was only maybe 24h and I felt so ill. Over the last few hours I panicked and ate around 1500 calories. That's the most I've had in a long time, and my stomach hurts so much, but I had to get rid of the pain and the nausea. Despite having bulimic behaviours in the past (saying that as I was never diagnosed), throwing up has always been a trigger for panic attacks for me. So the nausea was insufferable. I feel like an absolute pussy for needing it to go away but I think the combo of upped meds, dehydration, high activity and drinking with no eating was what wrote me off. I know I must've burned at least around double what I ate today so I'm trying to let myself off, but I know the scale weight is going to be up like a motherfucker in the morning because of eating all of this food tonight.

    I had fun seeing some friends and I noticed that my clothes are starting to look nicer on me. I'm still fat as fuck, but my body is actually moving in the right direction for once. I've realised how much I'm bodychecking around people and I need to stop because I don't mean to do it and I don't think I'm getting away with it. Nobody has said anything but.. I don't know, maybe I'm just being paranoid? I keep getting dizzy which is probably dehydration related, but it happened in front of my mom the other day. My vision went black and I had to hold onto the table in our garden. She immediately was like "you need to eat, why haven't you had anything yet?". There's nothing to worry about because I'm literally overweight and I'm still eating. Too much, actually. If she's like this now, fuck knows what this is going to be like later on down the line. Maybe I need to get better at hiding when I'm dizzy. I don't think she is used to seeing me lose weight because the weight I've lost in the past has always been at uni. I love her but I wish she would get off my case a bit. 


    ☽🌑☾

    "𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓

    𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑰"

     

    ᴇ ᴅ ᴇ ɴ  |  ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ʏ / s ʜ ᴇ  |  ᴠ ᴇ ɢ ᴀ ɴ  |  ᴀ ᴅ ʜ ᴅ

    CW: 77.2kg - 170.21bs
    HW: 91kg - 201lbs
    GW: 60kg - 132lbs
    UGW: 50kg - 110lbs

     

    90   85   80   75
    70   65   60
    55   50

     

    #15 Eerie ☽ Lavender

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    Posted Yesterday, 03:43 PM

    weight

    77.4kg / 170.6lbs
    +0.2kg / 0.4lbs

     

    intake

    1/2 garlic naan (280)
    1 onion bhaji (90)
    2 vegetable samosas (165)
    1/2 vegetable madras (200)
    1/2 pilau rice (193)
    1 poppadom (65)
    --------------------------------------------
    total consumed: 993 (approx.)
    total burned: 2200 (approx.)

    deficit: 1207 calories (approx.)

     

    journal

    Considering how much food I ate all at once last night instead of spread out across the day, some of that scale weight has to be food. It's driving me insane that it's saying I've gained, but I'm trying to be rational about it. My fitbit was dead when I woke up because I meant to charge it over the two days I was out, but I forgot. Based my cals burnt on BMR and movement as per usual, but definitely won't be estimating from now on. Need to get my shit in gear.

    Today was an all time low for my mental health. My mom coaxed how I was feeling out of me, and I had a full blown breakdown about how I'm tired of trying to be ok and I've done so much for years now to get better, and I'm no better off. Medication isn't working, I've done so many rounds of therapy, I'm just exhausted with it. I mentioned nothing about food. That's just for me to know. Restricting is the one thing bringing me some happiness at the moment, so I'm not giving anybody any reason to take that away from me. After my half an hour of crying, she asked me if I'd eaten today. I told her I had (I hadn't) and she told me to go eat. I said I would, and then half an hour later she said it again. I was so happy to just fast today, I had no appetite whatsoever and I've never managed more than 24h at a time, but she was noticing something was up so I ordered. Was far too depressed to cook today, which says a lot because cooking is normally therapeutic for me. I ate just under 1000 calories. Eaten mega late again today so I hope to god it doesn't show on the scale tomorrow. Going to neck loads of water and hope it aids digestion enough for me to have a bm in the morning. Water weight is a big possibility too. Fuck sake, I just want to break into the 76s.


    ☽🌑☾

    "𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓

    𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑰"

     

    ᴇ ᴅ ᴇ ɴ  |  ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ʏ / s ʜ ᴇ  |  ᴠ ᴇ ɢ ᴀ ɴ  |  ᴀ ᴅ ʜ ᴅ

    CW: 77.2kg - 170.21bs
    HW: 91kg - 201lbs
    GW: 60kg - 132lbs
    UGW: 50kg - 110lbs

     

    90   85   80   75
    70   65   60
    55   50

     

    #16 Eerie ☽ Lavender

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    Posted Today, 04:45 PM

    weight

    77.8kg / 171.5lbs
    +0.4kg / 0.9lbs

     

    intake

    1/2 garlic naan (280)
    1/2 vegetable madras (200)
    1/2 pilau rice (193)
    vegan chorizo and cheese panini (412)
    small portion roasted vegetable pasta (239)
    --------------------------------------------
    total consumed: 1324
    total burned: 3519

    deficit: 2195 calories

     

    journal

    No hahahahaha but why have I gained AGAIN. What the fuck. I know it's probably water retention and food weight but I'm sorry, I'm meant to be at 76.88kg the day after tomorrow and I'm basically a whole kilogram off of that. I'm actually heavier than when I started this thread. This is a joke, I've been 8625 calories in deficit over the last 6 days. I should've lost at LEAST 2lbs. Is something wrong with me? Why won't the weight budge? I swear I'm counting correctly. I weigh everything. I know fitbits have a tendency to overestimate cals burned by up to 20%, but even if I take that into account, I've still been in a deficit of nearly 7000 calories this week so far. I want to cry. I feel like such a failure and I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. Maybe I need to eat less. It should be easy at this weight. I swear I was actually dropping weight quicker when I was eating way more than this in the past. I'm so sorry if this seems dramatic but I'm getting really fucking tired of staving off binges and keeping to a decent deficit and having fuck all to show for it.


    ☽🌑☾

    "𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓

    𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑰"

     

    ᴇ ᴅ ᴇ ɴ  |  ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ʏ / s ʜ ᴇ  |  ᴠ ᴇ ɢ ᴀ ɴ  |  ᴀ ᴅ ʜ ᴅ

    CW: 77.2kg - 170.21bs
    HW: 91kg - 201lbs
    GW: 60kg - 132lbs
    UGW: 50kg - 110lbs

     

    90   85   80   75
    70   65   60
    55   50

     


    Tango Ice Blasts sugar-free? calories? (UK)

    tango ice blast calories sugar free help advice uk

    2 replies to this topic

    #1 Eerie ☽ Lavender

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    Posted 21 June 2022 - 02:04 AM

    Does anybody know if tango ice blasts from corner shops/convenience stores in the UK are sugar-free? I know some of the cinema ones are, but it's stupidly hot and I really want to order one but I have no idea what to log the calories as. Med restricting at the moment so don't want to consume half of my calories on a drink lmao. I'm ordering a large mixed one, so if you know the calories, please please let me know. Reluctant to order it if I don't know for sure how much is in it


    ☽🌑☾

    "𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓

    𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑰"

     

    ᴇ ᴅ ᴇ ɴ  |  ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ʏ / s ʜ ᴇ  |  ᴠ ᴇ ɢ ᴀ ɴ  |  ᴀ ᴅ ʜ ᴅ

    CW: 77.2kg - 170.21bs
    HW: 91kg - 201lbs
    GW: 60kg - 132lbs
    UGW: 50kg - 110lbs

     

    90   85   80   75
    70   65   60
    55   50

     

    #2 BunnyCeleste

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    Posted 21 June 2022 - 02:24 AM

    i don't think there's an entry for the mixed flavour online but the vue website has similar flavours as 260cal per 100ml making a large around 2200cal. 

    The large sugar free versions are 680cals 


    HW - 182lb

    CW - 138lb

    GW - 120lb

    GW - 100lb

    UGW - 84lb

    #3 grapefiend

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      Posted 21 June 2022 - 02:38 AM

      BunnyCeleste, on 21 Jun 2022 - 02:24 AM, said:

      i don't think there's an entry for the mixed flavour online but the vue website has similar flavours as 260cal per 100ml making a large around 2200cal. 

      The large sugar free versions are 680cals 

       

      I've found the same doc and think you might have misread? It's 30ish per 100ml so 260ish for the entire large. 260 per 100ml = 65g of sugar per 100ml which would barely be a liquid. 



      Feeling totally invalid with mid/high restriction

      high restriction anorexia ednos high bmi overweight losing weight feeling invalid atypical anorexia

      3 replies to this topic

      #1 Eerie ☽ Lavender

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      Posted 28 June 2022 - 02:02 PM

      I've got a BMI of 29 and burn on average like 3000 calories a day. I don't go over 1000 calories a day on average, so most days, I'm in a 2000 calorie deficit. Despite this, the number is dropping relatively slowly and has been since I was way up at 200lbs (now at 169lbs). Am I right to feel invalid in my ED? I've had no help for my disorder (bulimia and bed that's evolved into atypical anorexia?) because despite seeking help in the past, I was turned away because I was overweight. Therefore, I've never been diagnosed with anything. I'd never go around saying oh I have atypical anorexia, but I meet criteria, and for around 3 years I met criteria for bulimia. I still feel like I'm not eating disordered, when I KNOW that if I were my UGW, it'd be different.

      If I were skinny, how I feel on the inside would finally reflect on the outside and I'd feel valid. I've suffered with disordered eating for as long as I remember being alive. But sometimes, I just feel so damn invalid like I'm faking the way I am. Or like I'm losing weight healthily. I know I'm not healthy. But because I've never been diagnosed, I feel like a fake. The idea of gaining is my biggest fear, I can't wait to shrink and shrink and fucking disappear sometimes. But because of this body that I'm trapped in, I look in the mirror and I just see a fat wannarexic. Please tell me somebody else feels this way. Even this post just feels like a pathetic attempt for validation from people who actually have disorders. I'm not sure if that's my disordered brain just making me think I'm not sick enough though. I don't even know why I'm still typing.


      ☽🌑☾

      "𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓

      𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑰"

       

      ᴇ ᴅ ᴇ ɴ  |  ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ʏ / s ʜ ᴇ  |  ᴠ ᴇ ɢ ᴀ ɴ  |  ᴀ ᴅ ʜ ᴅ

      CW: 77.2kg - 170.21bs
      HW: 91kg - 201lbs
      GW: 60kg - 132lbs
      UGW: 50kg - 110lbs

       

      90   85   80   75
      70   65   60
      55   50

       

      #2 sleepyfaefae

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      Posted 28 June 2022 - 02:20 PM

      I'm not diagnosed and I high restrict as well. My tdee is usually 1700 and I eat under 1200. 1000 is still a very small amount of food. No matter how much or how little you eat, you are still valid <3


      height: 5'4/163cm

      hw: 160

      lw: 1o3

      cw: ~110-115 :(

      gw: 100

      ugw: 95

       

      accountability 

       

      db5071d190172bd5ceaa50f810fe425a.gif

      #3 ¡! angel

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      Posted 28 June 2022 - 03:03 PM

      yeah no a 2000 calorie deficit is still low restricting

      #4 Eerie ☽ Lavender

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      Posted 29 June 2022 - 02:33 AM

      Thank you. Really sorry if this post comes off as stupid


      ☽🌑☾

      "𝑾𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓

      𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑰"

       

      ᴇ ᴅ ᴇ ɴ  |  ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ʏ / s ʜ ᴇ  |  ᴠ ᴇ ɢ ᴀ ɴ  |  ᴀ ᴅ ʜ ᴅ

      CW: 77.2kg - 170.21bs
      HW: 91kg - 201lbs
      GW: 60kg - 132lbs
      UGW: 50kg - 110lbs

       

      90   85   80   75
      70   65   60
      55   50

       

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