face changes after 65 lb loss
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Posted 27 June 2022 - 02:14 PM
i wish i had better pics before but this is the best i got...
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Posted 27 June 2022 - 02:16 PM
more before pics
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Posted 27 June 2022 - 02:26 PM
Jaw on fleek.
JAW. ON. FLEEK!!!!.
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Posted 27 June 2022 - 02:27 PM
peach.tea (ピーチティー), on 27 Jun 2022 - 2:26 PM, said:
Jaw on fleek.
JAW. ON. FLEEK!!!!.
this makes me feel better as i binged yesterday and feel so ugly and fat
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Posted 01 July 2022 - 11:56 AM
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my stats and thinspiration
Height 168 cm - 5'6 / CW (trying to maintain at the moment): 49,3 kg = 108,7 lbs = BMI 17.5 (13th November 2021)
some inspirational pictures and the link to my thinspiration thread
#goals #skinnymum #wannalooklikeherpp #ppskinny #inspirational unfortunately, the pic is too large to be displayed in my signature, but if anyone is interested you can check it out by clicking the link below #ppinspiration
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Posted 01 July 2022 - 06:39 PM
Holli Would, on 30 Jun 2022 - 03:54 AM, said:
You're sooo pretty, like a princess or something. A loss of 65 lbs.... That's incredibly impressive. Wow! I swear, face changes after weight loss are so underrated. People are so focused on the body but it's crazy how losing weight can completely change your face. Bigger eyes, more defined features, sharper jawline etc.
back_to_skinny, on 01 Jul 2022 - 11:56 AM, said:
You look absolutely neautiful well done ♡
thank you guys so much i could cry
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Posted 03 July 2022 - 09:04 PM
OMGG YOU'RE SOO PRETTY CONGRATS
✿ A C C O U N T A B I L I T Y ✿
Height : 173 cm 🍉 5'8
CW : 53 kg 🍉 117 lbs
BMI : 17.71
GW : 48 kg 🍉 106 lbs
BMI : 16.04
UGW : 43 kg 🍉 95 lbs
BMI : 14.37
53 52 51 50 49 48 47 46 45 44 43
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recently diagnosed with bpd & cptsd
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Posted 11 May 2022 - 12:15 PM
yeah I got nothing to say
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Posted 11 May 2022 - 01:28 PM
atleast you know now? congrats. hope it gets easier from here
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Posted 11 May 2022 - 01:49 PM
babymilk, on 11 May 2022 - 1:28 PM, said:
atleast you know now? congrats. hope it gets easier from here
yeah at least I do just kinda processing it, blame my dad for it all as he physically abused me from childhood til even now as an adult, just scared of remembering all of the trauma hes caused me as I still live with him
MAJOR TW: ABUSE - i dont know how to cope
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Posted 08 July 2022 - 08:36 PM
TW: this post is quite a detailed re-telling of a physical abuse situation that happened 2 days ago. there are mentions of abuse, suicide, self harm. i wrote thhis because ive been keeping all of this pain inside me and i cant take it anymore and i dont want to cope in an unhealthy or harmful way. sorry in advance.
so i dont even know at this point how many fucking posts i made about my parents' abuse since ive been on MPA for years and its been happening all my life but to spare you most of the details, my dad was scaring me or like threatening me by moving closer and closer to me i am pretty sure this is like used for intimidation and its really terrifying but i kept moving back and he kept moving forward so really impulsively i kicked my legs and ended up kicking his crotch.
that made him really angry and next thing i knew hes punched me and im on the ground and i keep feeling my shirt like come up and so i like keep holding it down because obviously i dont want like my bare torso to show and he just kept fucking doing it i kept telling him to stop it wasnt like in a sexual way or like for sexual gratification it was more like he was beating the fuck out of me and also pulling my shirt up and i think ... a part of me thinks.... that he did this to humiliate me to like "get back at me" for kicking him in a vulnerable area. this also has never happened before so thats why i feel confident saying he wasnt doing it in a sexual way but more as to just really break me and destroy me.
well it didnt reslly stop and my shirt like came off half way and finally my mom walked in and thats the only time he stopped, she told me to put my shirt back on and so i went inside my room and i couldnt breathe i was really nauseous and dizzy and then they both came into my room my mom started blaming me for yelling and i kept screaming and telling them i hate them and then i just like started smacking myself really hard like i just started hurting myself and punching my face and slapping it and my vision started getting black spots and i didnt know how to stop. i dont know why i did this but i think at the time i was thinking how much of a stupid bitch i am and why i couldnt just keep my mouth shut and just wanted to wake up from this nightmare or go back in time and undo whatever i did that made him do this.
my mom saw this and started recording me with her phone??? she just kept recording me and i was like really confused and uncomfortable because i was like all bruised and fucking crying and like having a panic attack and screaming and she was recording it and kept saying im crazy and shes going to beat me and make me her maid until i behave. my dad threatened to check me into a ward as one of the doctors we went to a month back due to my suicide attempt + self harming really badly that it almost cost me my life this doctor said if i self harm or threaten or attempt suicide again i have to be hospitalised.
i kept crying and just saying no and well they didnt check me in. i was extremely scared all night feeling like something terrible was gonna happen. then i kept falling asleep waking up in extreme pain on the places he hit me, i still physcially feel so much pain and have a lot of bruises. and now 2 days after the incident here i am venting about this on MPA since my therapy is still monday and im so upset from all this and i dont know what to do with all this pain. i dont want to cope in a bad way because ive been in therapy for over 2 months now and its been helping and i dont want to ruin all my progress, but i just dont know what to do.
i feel so unlovable, worthless, ashamed and suicidal. i feel so broken and hurt. i feel like a burden on them and keep wanting to die so they dont have me as their daughter anymore since they hate me so much.
i know those feelings are because i developed cptsd & bpd from all the years of abuse but its just so much pain. i dont know what to do with all this pain. i dont know how to get myself back ive been dissociating since it happened. i just keep sleeping and taking care of my cats to feel better.
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Posted 09 July 2022 - 04:12 AM
hey babygirl, this was very tough to read, and i cant imagine what it must have felt like to actually experience that.
there is no doubt that BOTH your parents are abusive, and that is NOT because you are unlovable. i know youre trying to rationalise these issues in an attempt to avoid them in the future, but please trust me when i say they would have done this to anyone, not just you.
the part about your father having done something slightly different for the first time worries me. he might continue with this and he might not. but it is a scary development regardless, and i worry about your safety. you dont just need help for your self harming and suicidal thoughts, you need help to get away from your parents. are you sure your mother didnt record you as some sort of "evidence" should the police come knocking? "see officer, she hits herself it wasnt us!" is the first thought that popped into my mind.
i just want to add this (and i REALLY mean it):
i dont know where you are in the world, or even how old you are, but i lead a comfortable life and have a spare room thats not being used for anything. it is 100% yours if you need it, no questions asked. my DMs are open if you want to talk about anything, no judgements i will listen and be a friend to you.
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Posted 09 July 2022 - 06:26 AM
sadcringe, on 09 Jul 2022 - 04:12 AM, said:
hey babygirl, this was very tough to read, and i cant imagine what it must have felt like to actually experience that.
there is no doubt that BOTH your parents are abusive, and that is NOT because you are unlovable. i know youre trying to rationalise these issues in an attempt to avoid them in the future, but please trust me when i say they would have done this to anyone, not just you.
the part about your father having done something slightly different for the first time worries me. he might continue with this and he might not. but it is a scary development regardless, and i worry about your safety. you dont just need help for your self harming and suicidal thoughts, you need help to get away from your parents. are you sure your mother didnt record you as some sort of "evidence" should the police come knocking? "see officer, she hits herself it wasnt us!" is the first thought that popped into my mind.
i just want to add this (and i REALLY mean it):
i dont know where you are in the world, or even how old you are, but i lead a comfortable life and have a spare room thats not being used for anything. it is 100% yours if you need it, no questions asked. my DMs are open if you want to talk about anything, no judgements i will listen and be a friend to you.
thank you truly i dont know what to say, im 20 yrs old and im in egypt. there is no way for me to move out or leave them since they are very controlling people, im seeing a psychiatrist and she has helped me a lot, she says my safest way to get out is to graduate university as soon as possible in order to have enough of an income to support myself and then if they try to force me back into the house i can file a lawsuit or something that basically will make me an independent person unrelated to them so they have no relation with me, i basically disown them.
as for now, i was advised to just keep fights as minimal as possible, and that has worked in my favor but thursday i dont know why i got so angry and defensive, i think i was just extremely exhausted and didnt think it would escalate.
i dont know why my mom recorded me, but i agree with you. its not illegal here for them to do what theyre doing and im not a minor for the law to get involved, nor will they even face any consequences. i also have siblings, and though my parents arent exactly saints to them my parents are getting old and my siblings are boys, my parents dont have nearly as many rules for them as they do for the girls. the boys for the most part really dont get into any fights with my parents, nor would i let it happen without getting involved myself. its just instinct to have to be there because im scared for them. really the only times i think they witness a great deal of violence is when my parents are hurting me and they are in the room. i know this must be traumatic for them and i know if its not affecting them now it will later on in life and i have made a promise to myself to be there for them when they need my help and provide them with therapy just like my friends are providing for me now.
what you said about my dad does worry me too. i have since changed the top i was wearing and im now wearing 2 shirts (and a bra), i havent yet spoken to my psychiatrist about it, and for the most part i do believe this might have just an accident and my top might have been too short or something.. i dont know. im not really convinced by that. i think he did it to humiliate me. and it makes me really scared and sick
i dont know what else to do other than just wait for time to do its thing. i dont know how to cope with all this fear, i cant sleep or think. i stay in my room take care of my cats and crochet while watching something for the whole day. theres still fear and im terrified but i am not putting myself within reach of them and minimising contact. i will see what my psychiatrist has to say about all this. i wish i could just pretend like i used to that it didnt happen or that it was normal but that way of coping has lead me to question my own reality very severely with severe dissociation and psychotic symptoms. i cant knock myself out with sleeping pills because they make me feel like shit for an entire week afterwards and also make me binge a whole lot. so im just feeling the fear and trying to get through that fear until its gone
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Posted 09 July 2022 - 02:12 PM
young goddess, on 09 Jul 2022 - 06:26 AM, said:
thank you truly i dont know what to say, im 20 yrs old and im in egypt. there is no way for me to move out or leave them since they are very controlling people, im seeing a psychiatrist and she has helped me a lot, she says my safest way to get out is to graduate university as soon as possible in order to have enough of an income to support myself and then if they try to force me back into the house i can file a lawsuit or something that basically will make me an independent person unrelated to them so they have no relation with me, i basically disown them.
as for now, i was advised to just keep fights as minimal as possible, and that has worked in my favor but thursday i dont know why i got so angry and defensive, i think i was just extremely exhausted and didnt think it would escalate.
i dont know why my mom recorded me, but i agree with you. its not illegal here for them to do what theyre doing and im not a minor for the law to get involved, nor will they even face any consequences. i also have siblings, and though my parents arent exactly saints to them my parents are getting old and my siblings are boys, my parents dont have nearly as many rules for them as they do for the girls. the boys for the most part really dont get into any fights with my parents, nor would i let it happen without getting involved myself. its just instinct to have to be there because im scared for them. really the only times i think they witness a great deal of violence is when my parents are hurting me and they are in the room. i know this must be traumatic for them and i know if its not affecting them now it will later on in life and i have made a promise to myself to be there for them when they need my help and provide them with therapy just like my friends are providing for me now.
what you said about my dad does worry me too. i have since changed the top i was wearing and im now wearing 2 shirts (and a bra), i havent yet spoken to my psychiatrist about it, and for the most part i do believe this might have just an accident and my top might have been too short or something.. i dont know. im not really convinced by that. i think he did it to humiliate me. and it makes me really scared and sick
i dont know what else to do other than just wait for time to do its thing. i dont know how to cope with all this fear, i cant sleep or think. i stay in my room take care of my cats and crochet while watching something for the whole day. theres still fear and im terrified but i am not putting myself within reach of them and minimising contact. i will see what my psychiatrist has to say about all this. i wish i could just pretend like i used to that it didnt happen or that it was normal but that way of coping has lead me to question my own reality very severely with severe dissociation and psychotic symptoms. i cant knock myself out with sleeping pills because they make me feel like shit for an entire week afterwards and also make me binge a whole lot. so im just feeling the fear and trying to get through that fear until its gone
i hear you. you seem like a really good person, wanting to protect your siblings to ensure they dont have to suffer like you do. i understand that you posted this just to vent and that you're not interested in solutions from strangers, but might i ask you to look into the possibility of housing up with some friends? since you are in uni you could f.ex look into sharing an aptment with someone you know and trust etc. really, anything to get you out of there. i understand you may want to stick around to watch over your siblings, but put on your own mask before you help others, right?
you are so incredibly strong and i commend you. i wish the best for you and i hope you find a good solution where you can feel safe
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Posted 10 July 2022 - 10:55 AM
sadcringe, on 09 Jul 2022 - 2:12 PM, said:
i hear you. you seem like a really good person, wanting to protect your siblings to ensure they dont have to suffer like you do. i understand that you posted this just to vent and that you're not interested in solutions from strangers, but might i ask you to look into the possibility of housing up with some friends? since you are in uni you could f.ex look into sharing an aptment with someone you know and trust etc. really, anything to get you out of there. i understand you may want to stick around to watch over your siblings, but put on your own mask before you help others, right?
you are so incredibly strong and i commend you. i wish the best for you and i hope you find a good solution where you can feel safe
Yes im actually looking into that but currently uni is off so im just staying in my room for most of summer. i also have a neighbor close by who knows about my situation and i know she wouldnt mind if i show up whenever something really REALLY bad happens (which i really dont want it to happen but i need to assume it will because it might), i can go to her house an stay the night or stay for a couple of days to sort things out. but definitely not for a long time but her house is very safe and her parents know me and its only her and her parents and her cats so i feel safe there and usually i stay in her room the whole time anyway. but as for uni housing possibilities i have actually discussed it with my parents bullshitting them with "oh its such a long way, this will save us money, i rly want to show up to all my classes" and they were open to the idea, and i will visit them on the weekends or days i have no uni and check in with my siblings thru text or video calling and if they need me to come i can also come to their school and check on them there
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Posted 12 July 2022 - 05:00 PM
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Posted 12 July 2022 - 11:45 PM
tove lo, on 12 Jul 2022 - 5:00 PM, said:
I wish I had the words. You don't deserve this horrible life situation you've found yourself in since childhood... My heart breaks for you. If you ever question if it really is that bad, or if maybe it wasn't as bad as you originally thought it was - it's bad. It's very fucking bad. You don't deserve any of this. I wish there was more I could say or do. I would buy you a plane ticket right now if I could just to get you out of there. Do everything you can to survive day to day, even if you come on mpa and vent every time something happens at least we will hear you out... And in the meantime do your best to formulate some kind of escape plan. You need money and secrecy about it. I don't know anything about Egypt but if nobody has gotten involved legally yet, I can assume that there isn't much that can be done? What would happen if you called the police or told your therapist how badly your parents abuse you? Would it help or make it worse? I'm so sorry. You shouldnt have to be this strong. But if you can make it through this awful traumatic time in your life, there will be nothing that you cannot do. You'll be able to get through anything because nothing can compare to what you have already survived at home. I am sorry that life has been unfair for you...I know that you can get through this, I just feel awful that you have to. Continue therapy at all costs. You have us here on mpa too, for whatever little that is worth <3 hang in there. I'm so sorry you are in pain <3
Thank you for this it was extremely comforting it felt like a hug that i really fucking needed LOL. yeah a i always have doubts about the abuse and whether im lying about it or something, my psych told me its one of the struggles of having complex ptsd youre always doubting and invalidating ur own traumas. the way i get through that doubt is by asking myself two things: 1- if this had happened to a friend of mine and not me, would it still be "not that bad"?
2- would i do this to my little brother?
the reason why i ask the second question is because my psych asks it to me as well when i start invalidating myself, i have a very close relationship with my little brother and feel very protective of him like im his mom, i know he also considers me more of a mom than our actual mom. so when my mom or my dad do something to me and i try to play it off like its no big deal i remember to ask myself since theyre doing this to their own child, would i do this to someone i cosider my own child? the answer are always HELL NO. and that snaps me out of the constant invalidation that just comes around when it wants to
i also want to say i actually felt my heart melt when you said youd buy me a plane ticket because i know its not possible but its enough knowing that someone out there would help me because they see im in pain and in a helpless situation and it gives me more hope that things will get better one day that this isnt all what life has to offer me and that not everyone is like my parents. i could cry right now
Calling the police definitely wouldnt do anything at all but negatively impact me and only me, the police cannot do anything for me as those are my parents and its happening at home and none of it is illegal so they "have no business getting involved with how mu dad disciplines his child" not only that but if somehow miraculously the police show up as a scare for my dad i know for a fact my dad will take care of it as he has a lot of connections and can easily make the whole thing go away before it even starts so he "doesnt get a headache" and of course it will be hell from that point on and the abuse will only get worse in order to scare me not to report him again.
i actually lived in montreal when i was a kid and there i was aware my parents' abuse was illegal it could have serious consequences on them and it would be taken seriously, but my mom would tell me they would take her away and put her and my dad in jail and my brother who was a baby at the time wont have her and my siblings and i wont have anyone to take care of us and no money and no food and i will be ruining my siblings' lives, she also would always be paranoid that i was telling someone about what was going on(which i never ever did because i was 9 yrs old and i loved my parents and my siblings and i just decided it was worth it to keep getting beat than to ruin everyone's life), when she did have her suspicions though the punishments would always be a million times more severe, like i said they always hurt me more the more they want me to be scared and stop me from doing something, hurting them only hurt me at the end so i since a long long long time ago never thought to report what was going on it wasnt even an option in my mind, id always rather s**cide to end the beatings than report them
getting out of the 230s
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Posted 05 September 2021 - 09:08 PM
I just got out of the 240s and im so excited to get out of the 230s...
my cw: is 239.2 lbs
239 238 237 236 235 234 233 232 231 230 229
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Posted 06 September 2021 - 02:17 AM
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Posted 06 September 2021 - 02:23 AM
Altkitten, on 06 Sept 2021 - 02:17 AM, said:
Congrats, so proud of you. Keep it up. I just got out of the 210s today
AHHH goals
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Posted 15 September 2021 - 03:41 AM
237.2 lbs that is 0.4 lbs down from yesterday even though I actually binged yesterday..
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Posted 15 September 2021 - 03:41 AM
NOT COMPLAINING
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Posted 16 September 2021 - 04:36 AM
235.7 lbs today!!!
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Posted 16 September 2021 - 04:36 AM
Misscomplicatedartists, on 15 Sept 2021 - 05:05 AM, said:
How have you been loosing? Restricting isnt working for me. I need help
how come its not working? have you reached a plateau?
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Posted 19 September 2021 - 07:48 AM
Misscomplicatedartists, on 16 Sept 2021 - 08:21 AM, said:
Biggest plateau ever!!!
try to eat over your calorie limit for a day or two, don't binge but just eat without restriction. that's what did the trick for me. I ended up gaining a bit of weight then the weight came right off
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Posted 19 September 2021 - 07:48 AM
cw: 234.57 lbs 
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Posted 23 September 2021 - 12:48 AM
cw: 232.8 lbs !!!!
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Posted Today, 02:23 PM
my trying to find that huge upper half:
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H: 5'7.5 LW: 150 (2014) SW: 158 (2014) HW: 216 (Dec. 2019..that's embarrassing) CW: ?
Gw 1: 190 lbs (86 kg) BMI - 29.3
Gw 2: 180 lbs (82 kg) BMI - 27.8
Gw 3: 170 lbs (77 kg) BMI - 26.2
Gw 4: 160 lbs (73 kg) BMI - 24.7
Gw 5: 150 lbs (68 kg) BMI - 23.1
Gw 6: 140 lbs (64 kg) BMI - 21.6
Gw 7: 130 lbs (59 kg) BMI - 20.1
Gw 8: 120 lbs (54 kg) BMI - 18.5
♥ UGW: 114 lbs(51 kg) BMI - 17.6 ♥
MAINTAIN BETWEEN 107-114
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